Loblaws

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Caledon, Ontario –Loblaws CEO Galen Weston defended his $3 million raise this week by noting that it’s really not that much when you think of how expensive things are nowadays. “Have you been to the grocery store lately?” asked the…

OTTAWA – As part of their latest budget, the Trudeau Liberals have announced an additional measure to help financially squeezed Canadians: a new tax free savings account to help Canadians save for groceries. “Across the country, Canadians…

Toronto, ON – Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. has recently explained to politicians on Parliament Hill that his record-breaking profits during difficult economic times are only due to Canadians’ modern fascination with eating. “It’s a very…

BRAMPTON, ON – Loblaw Companies Ltd.’s fourth-quarter results beat analysts’ expectations, which executives credit to the grocery giant’s corporate strategy of “gouging people for things they need to stay alive.” “In the past we tried…

OTTAWA – Recent consumer data was shows an alarming majority of Canadians continue to spend their grocery budget on groceries, despite the advice of financial experts to buy grocery stocks instead. “Canadian food prices are sky high, as is…

BRAMPTON, ON – Galen Weston, billionaire philanthropist and benevolent overlord of the Loblaws grocery empire, has graciously announced plans to liberate No Name brand products from their unjust price freeze, effective February 1st. “Much…

Great news everyone! Just like other friendly media sites who exist to remind you of pop culture moments you vaguely enjoyed while selling you a mattress in a box, we’ve gone ahead and fired all our writers! From now on every single piece…

VANCOUVER — Police working with Loblaws store security have managed to foil a brazen daytime robbery of the Grandview Highway Superstore location, the suspect almost making off with two dozen eggs valued at approximately $6,500. The…

QUEEN’S PARK – As Premier Doug Ford announces that he will expand surgeries available at for-profit clinics, insiders report he is still deciding which megacorporation to eventually sell Ontario’s entire healthcare system to. “Folks, I…