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Owner Gives Detailed Preamble For Why Dog Named Mr. Dog - The Onion Published: May 27, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos…

NASHUA, NH—Providing enrichment activities for students with abilities that set them apart from their peers, the gifted program at Middlebrook Elementary only admits kids who can emotionally handle time away from their iPads, school…

LOS ALAMOS, NM—The four words presaging even grimmer dialogue to come, the phrase “you on the apps?” reportedly heralded the beginning of the world’s bleakest conversation, sources reported Tuesday. Several reports indicated that the…

PORTLAND, OR—Preaching the virtues of breaking free from an oppressive system of mass brainwashing, local man Dan Pearson, the chosen one who will lead humanity out of its current dark age of commercialism, revealed Monday that advertising…

CHICAGO—Attempting to keep her browser tab concealed from view for fear her guilty pleasure would be exposed to nearby coworkers, ashamed woman Lily Paolini was reportedly hiding her interest in country music Friday as though it were…

VAN NUYS, CA—Using a grand gesture to reveal his feelings to the object of his affection, local teenager Eddy French reportedly stood outside his crush’s window Friday holding up Peter Gabriel. “As soon as I pulled back my curtain and saw…

ATHENS, OH—Making a comprehensive determination about her patient almost instantaneously, no-nonsense nurse Mary-Jo McMann was reportedly able to complete a patient’s entire medical chart Thursday after pinching her arm flab once. “I had…

BANGKOK—Taking a moment to reflect on the ways in which his time abroad had expanded his horizons, Cleveland native Dan Steifel told reporters Thursday his trip to Asia had given him an entirely new understanding of how soup could be…

LIBERTY, MO—After reading aloud a picture book about a puppy that works in a coal mine, local first grade teacher Brianna Montgomery asked her students Thursday what they want to be once child labor laws are repealed. “I want everyone to…

MINNEAPOLIS—Moved by the animal’s unwavering devotion, sources confirmed Wednesday that local 4-year-old cocker spaniel Biscuit refused to move from the spot where he had killed his beloved owner. “What a unique bond they must have had,”…