local man

Whitby, ON – Local father Winston Brown, who has always insisted his family arrive at Toronto Pearson airport no less than 6 hours before their flight’s scheduled departure time, took a bit of pleasure in noticing his moment has arrived.…

Timmins, ON – After you mentioned how gas prices were making it impossible for you to get by financially, your very helpful and knowledgeable friend Darren suggested buying an expensive electric car. “Over 2 dollars a litre for gas? Yeah…

TORONTO – As Canadians begin socializing in-person again, The Canadian Board of Acceptable Social Norms (CBASN) has added spouting off a detailed account of your entire resume, including references and special skills, to its list of…

Regina, SK – Local man Michael Edugyan has realized that the 3 year old toddler seated near him at this restaurant is better at using her iPad than he is at doing everything in his life. “I noticed how good she was at controlling this…

TORONTO – Chris Landon, who bought a Kia Niro EV in early 2021 is trying real hard not to be a smug piece of shit when his friends and colleagues talk about how terrible gas prices are. “Highest they’ve ever been? Man that’s terrible,” said…

Moncton, NB – Local man Dave Hollings was confused and a little concerned to discover that the password he uses to access a website where literally every dollar he has can be transferred away was not good enough for Domino’s. “Yeah I put in…

OTTAWA – Local hypocrite Kai Green has expressed his support for Ottawa police writing tickets for truckers who are making life miserable for residents by honking all day and night, despite previously saying he did not approve of Toronto…

FREDERICTON – Recent reports have now confirmed that Tony Freedman, a local man who took an initial bite of incredibly hot pizza moments ago, plans to just keep that bite in his mouth until it’s all over. “I saw what happened the minute…

Red Deer, AB – As data comes forward indicating the Omicron variant is twice as infectious as Delta but possibly causes 10-15% less deaths amidst those it infects, local math expert Dalton Linden has done some calculations and determined…

TORONTO – As local father Jalen Hart told the worker asking COVID checklist questions at the front entrance of the Little Tot’s Playhouse daycare that his child Marcus did not have a runny nose, onlookers reported seeing a single bead of…