Local

TORONTO – Students at Toronto Metropolitan University’s journalism program were eager to attend the annual cops always tell the truth seminar. “As journalists we’ve been taught to question everything and always try to seek independent…

VANCOUVER – Family and friends of Ted and Cecilia Watanabe found themselves whisked away to a realm of wonder, enchantment, and lupine violence at the couple’s wedding this past weekend. “We knew we had to do an outdoor wedding after…

WINNIPEG – Local Jared Marshall lives a peaceful life in Manitoba; working by day, relaxing by night, all the while unaware that behind closed doors his partner weeps at the idea of his imaginary funeral. Raquel Palmer, Jared’s girlfriend,…

CALGARY – A bartender at a cocktail joint called the Top Hat is about to charge you an exorbitant sum for a two-ingredient drink, according to tipsy sources who are feeling ripped off. “So this gin has been infused with elderflower,”…

Whitby, ON – Local father Winston Brown, who has always insisted his family arrive at Toronto Pearson airport no less than 6 hours before their flight’s scheduled departure time, took a bit of pleasure in noticing his moment has arrived.…

EDMONTON – According to local sources in an Edmonton suburb, every garage sale being held this year has contained piles of near mint condition podcasting equipment. “I’ve been hoping to score some discount power tools, or maybe a nice end…

TORONTO – 42-year-old Trey Martinez admits that after all these years, he still doesn’t understand exactly “what the hell dad did as a career.” “It started back in grade 5 when my dad gave a “Career Day” talk to my class,” said Martinez,…

TORONTO – As Canadians begin socializing in-person again, The Canadian Board of Acceptable Social Norms (CBASN) has added spouting off a detailed account of your entire resume, including references and special skills, to its list of…

Regina, SK – Local man Michael Edugyan has realized that the 3 year old toddler seated near him at this restaurant is better at using her iPad than he is at doing everything in his life. “I noticed how good she was at controlling this…

TORONTO – Chris Landon, who bought a Kia Niro EV in early 2021 is trying real hard not to be a smug piece of shit when his friends and colleagues talk about how terrible gas prices are. “Highest they’ve ever been? Man that’s terrible,” said…