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LIBERTY, MO—After reading aloud a picture book about a puppy that works in a coal mine, local first grade teacher Brianna Montgomery asked her students Thursday what they want to be once child labor laws are repealed. “I want everyone to…

MINNEAPOLIS—Moved by the animal’s unwavering devotion, sources confirmed Wednesday that local 4-year-old cocker spaniel Biscuit refused to move from the spot where he had killed his beloved owner. “What a unique bond they must have had,”…

ORLANDO, FL—Emphasizing that it’s just words, after all, a team of relationship experts issued a recommendation Thursday that stressed the importance of saying “I love you” even if you don’t mean it. “It can be stressful when a…

LANSING, MI—Assuring herself it wasn’t even that late, local woman Natalie Sissons reportedly allowed herself one more anxiety episode Tuesday before going to bed. “Just one more episode of paralyzing apprehension and fear, then I’ll…

Grocery Store’s Meat Section Misted With Fresh Blood Every Few Minutes - The Onion Published: May 16, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More…

CHICAGO—Insisting that a demonstration of the form was necessary to display its full force and power, elderly salsa instructor Hector Moreno announced his plan during a Thursday evening introductory class to dance with your…

Studies have shown that creating a neat and organized living space can reduce stress and improve mental well-being. The Onion provides helpful guidance for decluttering your home. Lure Marie Kondo into your home using an evenly spaced trail…

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—With the rest of the family looking on tensely as the conversation grew heated, local parents James and Denise Sweeney were reportedly bickering Tuesday over whether they had seen The Bear. “We watched one episode…

EUSTIS, ME—With a banner that read “We’re All You’ve Got!” hanging above its entrance, local disgusting restaurant Lenny’s Diner celebrated 30 years as a small town’s only option, sources reported Monday. “Since 1995, it has been our…

Grandma AirTagged - The Onion Published: May 13, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos Explore Tags The Onion