male masturbation

SANTA FE, NM—As the distressed and presumably very horny individual knocked frantically on the door, sources reported Thursday that panicked-looking local man Henry McDonald, who was seen shifting uncomfortably outside of an occupied public…

VATICAN CITY—As youthful vigor rapidly returned to the supreme pontiff, Pope Francis reportedly appeared 40 years younger Friday after finally masturbating for the first time. “Since finally pleasuring myself after all these years, I look…