mammals

BALTIMORE, MD—Calling the trial a huge breakthrough in behavioral science, researchers at Johns Hopkins University announced Tuesday they had trained mice to choose between life-saving medications and other essentials. “In this…

“I was filming a rat skittering across the street, and, uh, it saw me, it really looked like it was making eye contact with me, and it seemed like, like it, um, wanted me to follow, so I-I did, and I followed it down this alley, and it…

LANCASTER, PA—Touting its latest product as the most morally upright way to keep a home free of vermin, pest-control company Victor announced Friday it had released a more ethical mouse trap that convicts rodents of a capital offense before…

A new drug that temporarily paralyzes sperm for more than two hours was found to be 100% effective in preventing pregnancy in lab mice and resulted in no adverse side effects, paving the way for a possible on-demand oral contraceptive for…

AUSTIN, TX—In a watershed breakthrough in the effort to bring back extinct species by synthesizing their DNA in a laboratory, a team of geneticists announced Friday they had resurrected a woolly mammoth’s trunk, though not any other part of…

CONWAY, AR—Praying to be blessed with a child of the same species, expectant couple Steve and Molly Bevers told reporters Friday they were hoping for a human baby. “Fingers crossed that we get a Homo sapiens,” said Molly Bevers, claiming…

RED LODGE, MT—As they begged the visibly distraught ungulate to climb back down the sheer rocky slope, a mountain goat’s loved ones reportedly spent several tense minutes Friday talking him off a high peak from which he appeared ready to…