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Marco Rubio

Trump Names J.D. Vance As His 2024 Running Mate

Former President Donald Trump announced Monday that Ohio Sen. J.D. Vance will be his running mate for the 2024 presidential election. “After lengthy deliberation and thought, and considering the tremendous talents of many others, I have…

Daylight Savings Is A Scam

When you woke up this morning, were you groggier than usual? When the alarm sounded, were you a bear awakened in the middle of January? When you left home for work, did you grumble about the extension of darkness where just yesterday the…

Senators Reveal Best Places To Have Sex In Capitol

“Well… Oh God, I can’t do this. Rosario, if you’re seeing this, I miss you so much. Give me another chance—I’ll do better. I’ll take my pants all the way off when we make love, rather than pulling them up even higher. We don’t have to eat…

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