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Marco Rubio

Senators Reveal Best Places To Have Sex In Capitol

“Well… Oh God, I can’t do this. Rosario, if you’re seeing this, I miss you so much. Give me another chance—I’ll do better. I’ll take my pants all the way off when we make love, rather than pulling them up even higher. We don’t have to eat…

Conservatives Explain Why Libraries Should Be Defunded

“I’m sick and tired of everyone pretending like the Dewey Decimal System is the best cataloging system. It’s sick. Metis and BISAC and the Universal Decimal Classification have shown us time and again that there are better ways. Heck, even…

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