Mark Carney

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has called for a snap election to be held on April 28th, and has specified that Canadians will be required to choose an MP in their riding, as opposed to just writing in “SUCK MY BALLS TRUMP!” “We are…

OTTAWA – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has presented newly-sworn-in Prime Minister Mark Carney with a list of demands, along with promises to “blow up this entire country and myself so help me God I’ll do it!” The list of demands, printed…

“The human body can only shake with laughter for so long.” Welcome back to The Beaverton Weekly Report! Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Clare Blackwood) talk Mark Carney’s first few days in office, the Conservatives…

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of accusations that he is singling Canada out with his economic attacks, US President Donald Trump has assured the press that he will also eventually financially decimate the rest of the world as well. “A…

OTTAWA — After being sworn in as Canada’s new Prime Minister yesterday, Mark Carney’s first official act was to kill the carbon tax, and by doing so, killing all of Pierre Poilievre’s hopes and dreams as well. “It is the honour of my life…

OTTAWA – Liberal Leader candidate Mark Carney vows to improve the PC Optimum points situation for every Canadian. Speaking to a group of financial experts at the International Banking Federation, Carney made a campaign promise to grow “the…

OTTAWA – After winning the Liberal Party leadership race in a blowout victory, Prime Minister Designate Mark Carney removed his lifelike rubber mask to reveal that he had been current Prime Minister Justin Trudeau all along. “HAHAHAHAHA!”…

OTTAWA – Conservative insiders are growing concerned about Pierre Poilievre’s behaviour in recent days, as he is spending hours in his bedroom playing Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi while looking at photos of Trudeau. “Every time a new…

OTTAWA – Hear ye hear ye fine citizens of British North America and allow your hearts to be elated. After a long hiatus in London, England, esteemed Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney, OC, has announced he has made the gracious…