Mark Kelly

“Well… Oh God, I can’t do this. Rosario, if you’re seeing this, I miss you so much. Give me another chance—I’ll do better. I’ll take my pants all the way off when we make love, rather than pulling them up even higher. We don’t have to eat…

ARLINGTON, VA—Feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of options, local defense contractor Erick Yardley told reporters Tuesday he was unsure if he wanted to cook or just have dinner delivered by a politician on their hands and knees. “It’s…

“It’s already too big, if you ask me. After all, the Power Rangers only had five people. I guess technically six, if you count Tommy, the Green Ranger, who would become the White Ranger at the end of season two, but that’s still less than…

TUCSON, Ariz. — Sen. Kyrsten Sinema, D-Ariz., wasn’t with House Speaker Kevin McCarthy this week when he toured the border in her own backyard. But next time, she should be. On Thursday, the newly elected House speaker traveled with four…