medicine

DOTHAN, AL—Offering accolades for the homemade puke it grew up eating, a local barn swallow told reporters Friday that its mother made the best vomit in the world. “I know everyone says this, but no one can regurgitate like my mom does,”…

WASHINGTON—Sighing as he hid another pair of soiled pajamas deep in his hamper, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) confirmed Friday that on top of everything else that had been going on, he was also wetting the bed again. “Jesus, this is the…

WASHINGTON—In an effort to garner their support and become Speaker of the House, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) assured his skeptical GOP colleagues Tuesday that he shared their vision of innocents drowning in oceans of blood. “While I hear…

French president Emmanuel Macron has announced that starting in 2023, condoms would be made available for free in pharmacies for 18- to 25-year-olds in a bid to reduce the spread of STIs, which increased by 30% over the last two years. What…

FORT MYERS, FL—Unable to make their way through the hardened, sunburnt exterior, flesh-eating bacteria Vibrio vulnificus reportedly struggled Friday to chew through leathery Florida residents. “Oh God, I can’t even necrotize this person’s…

VANCOUVER – The B.C. College of Chiropractors, firmly rejecting the scientific method in favor of treatment by loud bone-cracking sounds, voted overwhelmingly against a vaccine mandate at their annual general meeting Wednesday night. The…

TOYKO—Apologizing profusely for the misunderstanding that could potentially end her Olympic career, U.S. sprinter Justine Hayes blamed a positive Covid test Wednesday on a nutritional supplement she didn’t realize contained the novel…

EDMONTON – Breaking new ground in the field of preventative medicine, a team of doctors at the Center for Advanced Medical Research performed a preemptive autopsy on a willing patient and predicted he would one day die from having his torso…

ANN ARBOR- A medical mystery is plaguing local family physician Dr. Kyle Bryan as he debates a diagnosis of either Munchausen Syndrome or faking it. “Yeah, it’s a real challenge,” said Dr Bryan as he scrolled through the Rotten Tomatoes…

One and fifty three employees at a Houston hospital system who refused to get the Covid-19 vaccine have resigned or been fired after a judge dismissed an employee lawsuit over the hospital’s vaccine requirement. What do you think?“Something…