Mitch McConnell

As funding for the federal government is set to expire at 12:01 a.m. on Sunday, a group of Senate Republicans hoped to appease both parties by adding a border security amendment to a bill that would continue funding at its current level and…

WASHINGTON—In an effort to consolidate its influence over the rest of the population, the U.S. gerontocracy tightened its grip on power Friday by executing 20-year-old pop star Olivia Rodrigo. “Heed our word, lest you meet the same fate as…

Certain areas of the U.S. Southern border reached a new level of crisis this week when thousands of illegal border crossers flooded into the U.S. daily, overwhelming border patrol. The sudden daily influx stunned underequipped regions like…

Start SlideshowRep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has announced that she will seek a 20th congressional term in her district in San Francisco. The Onion asked Americans what they thought about the 83-year-old running for reelection, and this is what…

At a closed-door meeting last week, Sen. Mitch McConnell and other Republican senators were briefed on a new study encouraging them to move away from “pro-life” language as potentially alienating voters in the wake of Dobbs. This…

WASHINGTON—Trying to dislodge the saliva-covered documents without tearing them on the senator’s teeth, Senate aide Austin Shear reportedly pulled several wet pages out of Dianne Feinstein’s mouth Friday. “No, Dianne, that’s very bad—drop…

A government shutdown is imminent, but Republican messaging on the reason for the spending standoff is inconsistent thanks to the Senate GOP, which plans to greenlight the Biden administration’s cash infusion. If Democrats get their way,…

Start SlideshowFacing massive legal bills, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani is selling his Manhattan apartment to avoid financial ruin. The Onion examines the highlights from the apartment listing.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext…

A Capitol physician has reportedly cleared Senate GOP leader Mitch McConnell to continue his schedule after he experienced an episode where he was unable to speak or move for the second time in as many months in public. What do you…

Start SlideshowAfter a second incident in which the Kentucky senator froze up during a press conference, The Onion asked Americans to explain why Mitch McConnell should step down, and this is what they said.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext…