Mom

THORNHILL, ON – In late breaking news your mother has reportedly sent multiple disappointed messages this afternoon after you posted a joke about Queen Elizabeth in the family group chat. Your offhand comment, sent earlier when the…

FREDERICTON, NB – During a recent family gathering reports have emerged that 19-month-old Rodney McPhee has absolutely lost his mind with excitement upon noticing that his mother, Ainsley McPhee, 32, had recently entered the living room.…

SUDBURY – The latest edition of Melissa Henderson’s yearly holiday newsletter is being slammed by numerous media watchdog groups for unfair reporting. The handwritten bulletin which summarizes the Sudbury family’s past year has drawn heavy…

CANADA – Canadian mothers are soundly rejecting the new Omicron variant spreading across the globe on the grounds that we already have more than enough Delta variant at home. “The man on the news said that it’s possible that we’ll…

With about 10% of the population saying they will not get vaccinated against the deadly COVID-19 virus, we here at The Beaverton have decided to follow every other media outlet in Canada and do our own sympathetic portrayal of an…

PETROLIA, ON – Oh good God, here it comes. Batten the hatches and brace for impact. Local mom of three, Donna Hughes is absolutely blasting Joni Mitchell in the kitchen again. Members of the Hughes family claim they were on high alert…