Money

NEW YORK—Claiming it was the only way to protect one’s assets against economic volatility, a group of financial experts recommended this week that Americans diversify their portfolios with multiple harebrained schemes. “Rather than rely on…

OTTAWA – At a recent campaign stop, Prime Minister Mark Carney admitted to being genuinely puzzled why more cash-strapped young Canadians aren’t using elite asset management firms to maximize their offshore investments. “I keep hearing…

Dallas, Texas —Amid growing concerns about the influence of the ultra-wealthy, billionaire Mark Cuban has issued a heartfelt plea via the jumbotron at the Dallas Mavericks stadium, “Not all billionaires!” On flyers that were handed out…

Mega Millions players will get slightly better odds and should start seeing more billion-dollar jackpots, but at a cost with tickets for the multi-state lottery jumping in price from $2 to $5. What do you think? “This is going to…

Finance Guy Doing Cocaine In Sad Way This Time - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: April 4, 2025 More News in Photos Explore Tags…

HUNTSVILLE, AL—In an effort to comfort the child by telling her the funds had gone to a far better place, local parents Blake and Allison McKee gently explained to their daughter Friday that their money was in heaven now, sources confirmed.…

Big Bird Seen Working At Local Starbucks After PBS Funding Cuts - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: March 28, 2025 More News in Photos…

NEW YORK—Warning that their sudden desire for a new sports car could leave you completely broke, many financial experts now recommend setting aside an emergency fund they can bilk you out of, reports confirmed Monday. “Many Americans are…

President Donald Trump directed the Treasury Department to stop minting new pennies, citing the rising cost of producing the one-cent coin. What do you think? “But nickels just don’t taste the same!” Hasan Rahaman, Party Consultant…

University of Washington researchers found the biggest spike in divorce filings occurs in January. Hence, January has become known known as “Divorce Month” in the United States. This January promises to be no different. In late…