Movies

HOLLYWOOD, CA – After accidentally watching the South Korean film Parasite on Air Force One, Donald Trump has signed an executive order placing a 100% tariff on any movie that forces him to read. “Stop showing me that goddamn garbage!”…

Sinners, the new movie from Ryan Coogler starring Michael B. Jordan, has received widespread praise from critics and audiences. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: What is Sinners about? A: America’s inability to…

SPOKANE, WA—Lamenting that all his effort had been in vain, area man Evan Stackelberg told reporters Thursday that his 14 years of avoiding spoilers for Mr. Popper’s Penguins had been undone in a single moment of carelessness. “I stayed off…

Money, CA – After a few weeks breaking no records at the box office, Disney’s Snow White has finally been dethroned at the box office by a poorly shot video of a man ranking Skittles flavours. “It’s just a better hook for audiences,”…

If you’ve been a teenager in the last 40 years, you’re sure to feel some nostalgia when you think of the characters in The Breakfast Club coming together at the end of the film. So it’s a bit bittersweet to learn that the cast actually…

Several months ago, Netflix announced it would be producing its own interpretation of the Narnia franchise, set to be directed by Greta Gerwig. Avid fans of the series voiced their suspicions about how the company would interpret the books,…

LOUISVILLE, KY—Expressing a mix of frustration and stunned disbelief at the woman’s lack of enthusiasm, local man Ron Broder told reporters Wednesday that the escort whose services he had solicited for the evening fell asleep during Star…

The first teaser trailer for the new The Naked Gun movie dropped last weekend. The reboot of the 1988 film will replace Leslie Nielsen, who passed away in 2010, with Liam Neeson as the film’s lead. The trailer shares a comedic identity with…

READING, ENGLAND—Calling his ignorance “a major oversight,” filmmaker Sam Mendes admitted Monday that he conceived his idea for four Beatles biopics before hearing about TV. “Oh, gosh, well, this is embarrassing,” said the 59-year-old…

Before it even started generating buzz, Disney’s live-action Snow White was doomed to failure. This was guaranteed by the casting director’s decision to have Gal Gadot portray the Evil Queen while Rachel Zegler serves as the titular…