musicians

Too many innocent people to count have died at the hands of devout Swifties, hell-bent on revenge. For your own safety, never say these things to a Taylor Swift fan.Advertisement2 / 23“Her negligence led to a massive ground beef…

NEW YORK—Urging the Grammy-winning rapper to take as much time as he needed on the project, the nation assured Kanye West Monday that they don’t care enough about his forthcoming album, Donda, to justify him stressing so much about trying…

LOS ANGELES—Calling into question the U.S. populace’s physical and mental capacity, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Brenda Penny ruled Friday that the entire nation would be placed under Jamie Spears’ conservatorship for their own…

DENTON, TX—Noting their propensity for antics and shenanigans, area couple Zack Evans and Julie Stuber told reporters Monday they think they’re pretty fun. “Say what you will, but we think we’re just a riot,” said Stuber, explaining that…

PALM BEACH, FL—In the wake of numerous legal threats from the professional wrestling legend, sources confirmed Thursday that former President Trump was forced to shut down From The Desk Of Donald J. Trump—a blog he launched only last…

FAYETTEVILLE, NC—Wondering if it was too late to cancel the album rollout, a visibly humiliated J. Cole listened to The Off-Season Friday and asked, “Oh my God, is that seriously what my voice sounds like?” “I can’t believe y’all let me…

CODY, WY—Referring to the rapper and designer’s latest effort as derivative and lacking the spark present at the start of his career, critics slammed Kanye West for his divorce response Wednesday for blatantly sampling Kim Kardashian’s…

Rapper Lil Nas X has released 666 pairs of modified Nike Air Max 97 shoes decorated with a pentagram pendant and containing a drop of real human blood, stirring controversy and selling out in under a minute. What do you think?“I’ve always…

Beyoncé broke the record for most Grammy wins by a female artist after receiving her 28th award at the 63rd annual Grammys, while Taylor Swift became the first woman to win album of the year three times. What do you think?“Okay, butmusic…

The French electronic music duo Daft Punk announced their breakup after a massively influential 28-year run. The Onion looks back at the top moments of Daft Punk.1987: Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter meet when they’re…