musk

CHIHUAHUAN DESERT, TX—Tearing through the desert wasteland with a fleet of self-driving Tesla Model 3s in pursuit, a mechanical-armed Grimes reportedly fled Elon Musk’s compound Friday with five of the tech leader’s wives in the back of a…

BOCA CHICA, TX—Accusing the billionaire tech mogul of dragging down property values, neighbors of Elon Musk told reporters Thursday they were fed up with his eyesore yard covered in broken-down Cybertrucks. “I don’t know if the guy who…

SAN FRANCISCO—In an astounding medical breakthrough for the brain microchip company, Neuralink researchers confirmed Wednesday that the first brain implant recipient had successfully performed depraved sexual acts on Elon Musk. “Although…

AUSTIN, TX—Noting that all great innovators must fail in order to succeed, sources confirmed Tuesday that Elon Musk was rushed to the hospital after attempting to impregnate a toaster. The 52-year-old billionaire, who founded Tesla, SpaceX,…

Start SlideshowTest your knowledge of the ultimate billionaire memelord with this epic Elon Musk quiz.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideWhat is Elon Musk’s net worth?What is Elon Musk’s net worth?AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideIt’s…

Start SlideshowFacing millions in lost advertising revenue after he championed an antisemitic conspiracy theory on Twitter, Elon Musk toured Israel and met with the country’s leaders. The Onion examines everything Musk did while visiting…

Start SlideshowFollowing a sexual abuse victim’s lawsuit, the video chat platform Omegle, known for the tagline “Talk to strangers,” has ceased operation after 14 years of randomly pairing users for conversation. The Onion asked Omegle…

Elon Musk has reportedly fired the election integrity team at X, formerly known as Twitter, less than a month after pledging to expand the safety and elections teams. What do you think?“He’s still allowing the election, so what’s the…

BOCA CHICA, TX—Touting the device as the next step forward in primate mutilation, Elon Musk announced Thursday the first successful human trial of Neuralink’s brain detonator. “I am thrilled to announce that after exploding the heads of our…

BOCA CHICA, TX—Denying reports that the specimens had all died excruciating and painful deaths, Elon Musk told reporters this week that the women he had impregnated over the years had all been terminally ill. “While many claim these test…