National

OTAWA — Conservative Leader Erin O’ Toole was put on the defensive this week after CPC campaign materials containing numerous spelling errors found their way to the public. Repeatedly denying any errors made on their part, O’Toole explained…

OTTAWA – As the federal election campaign enters week two, the Liberals are once again reminding Canadians that voting for the NDP will only help the scary Conservative Party leader, whoever he may be. “To my left leaning friends, at the…

OTTAWA – Despite being just 2 years into a 4 year contract, local civil servant Justin Trudeau abruptly resigned on Sunday, and then simultaneously demanded a brand new 4 year contract. “It was odd. At first he was like, ‘this is untenable,…

OTTAWA – Canadian conservatives are throwing heavy criticism at the federal government for mandating passports for international travel. “What a terrible inconvenience our government has invented for Canadians,” began conservative party…

WINNIPEG – With Brian Pallister announcing he will not seek re-election as Premier, another victim has fallen to the might of the Maclean’s Resistance Cover curse. “I knew when Andrew went down that the rest of us were in trouble,” said a…

TOKYO – The Olympics’ closing ceremonies were interrupted by Canada’s confident new anthem, which announced itself with sirens and airhorns. After a hype man shouted “O fuck, y’all, here comes Canada!” the anthem launched into a detailed…

PARIS, FR – After decades of research and investigation forensic accountants have determined that Canada, originally named 33256 Ltd, has been operating as a shell corporation for the congregation of corporations known as the United States…

Bradford, ON – Local man Gerry Framer is outraged that the collective reckoning over whether Canada is a country that deserves to be celebrated in light of the atrocities we have committed means he can longer wish friends, family and…

OTTAWA – A new report has found that, despite what the media and your uncle claim, it is still possible to get drunk and enjoy July 1st without it being in honour of the country responsible for committing genocide against Indigenous…

OTTAWA – With many Canadians spending time outside to enjoy the summer weather, the government is experiencing a strong push to reopen the border as an increasing number of errant frisbees land on U.S. soil. “I tried crossing the border…