National

OTTAWA – After being designated as a terrorist group by the Canadian government, the Proud Boys have dissolved to rebrand themselves as the “Hoity-toity Boys.” “We are big strong men who don’t back down ever,” explained Enrique Tarrio, head…

OTTAWA – As rumours swirl that the Liberal Government’s Bill C-10 will give the CRTC the power to restrict social media users’ posts for not having enough CanCon, the country’s TikTok users are getting ahead of the curve by trying to…

OTTAWA — Tragic! Fans of the far-right neo-fascist group the Proud Boys Canada were deeply saddened to learn this week that the self-styled defenders of Western chauvinism are breaking-up citing ‘irreconcilable differences’. While the…

OTTAWA – The National Advisory Committee on Immunization has been accused of causing confusion by telling Canadians they “should do whatever feels right to them” with respect to taking the AstraZeneca vaccine or waiting for Pfizer or…

Richmond, B.C. – A monthly zoom call which previously consisted of Canadian man Jalen Montclair consoling his American friends now consists of his American friends consoling Jalen. “Ever since the pandemic started I’ve spent hours saying…

OTTAWA – Despite years of equalization payments, a new study has found that there is an increasing divide between the have-not and have-idiot-premier provinces. “The have-nots in our country like Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and Newfoundland…

OTTAWA – Erin O’Toole pushed back against critics who have accused his plan for a carbon tax of being a carbon tax. “Our carbon levy is in no way a tax,” said O’Toole. “It is merely a charge imposed on top of the price of a customer’s…

ARCTIC OCEAN – This morning it was discovered that beloved East Coast icon Theodore Tugboat has been caught in a narrow portion of the Northwest Passage, resulting in a bottleneck of ships in the area and millions of dollars in lost…

OTTAWA – The Supreme Court of Canada held that Justin Trudeau’s imposition of the carbon tax was constitutional as a result of the little known ‘if we don’t do something we’re gonna be real fucking dead real fucking soon’ legal principle.…

OTTAWA – Delegates at the Conservative Party’s policy convention have voted against confirming “climate change is real” and also against winning another election. By a margin of 54 percent to 46, the Conservative rank and file rejected a…