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BEEKMAN, NY—Upon receiving the news that his name had somehow been included in an executive order granting clemency to nearly 1,600 rioters, Mark David Chapman reportedly decided to just go with it Monday when he was pardoned alongside the…

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Revealing a precipitous decline in the nation’s access to a once-plentiful resource, an alarming study published Tuesday by Harvard’s T.H. Chan School of Public Health found that only one in four Americans can get a…

Pope Francis has published his memoir, Hope, making him the first pope to publish an autobiography. Here are the biggest revelations from the new release: Became interested in Catholicism after getting possessed by the devil as a…

Inauguration Begins With Moment Of Silent Gloating - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: January 20, 2025 More News in Photos Explore Tags…

Trump Rolls Onto Capitol Steps In Bulletproof Sphere - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: January 20, 2025 More News in Photos Explore Tags…

RFK Jr. Attends Inauguration Shirtless - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: January 20, 2025 More News in Photos Explore Tags Read…

Trump Boys Take Turns Shouting ‘Penis’ At Inauguration - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: January 20, 2025 More News in Photos Explore…

WASHINGTON—Wanting to ensure his closest companion in the world got a good view of the inauguration proceedings, Elon Musk held up his AI girlfriend app so she could see, sources confirmed Monday. “Take it all in, Jasmine, my sweet—this is…

WASHINGTON—Not bothering to conceal her phone screen, Melania Trump was reportedly swiping through Raya matches Monday in full view of television cameras. The former and incoming first lady of the United States was captured in close-up…

WASHINGTON—Cackling wildly as he pulled himself from the smoldering wreckage while those around him watched in horror, Defense Secretary nominee Pete Hegseth reportedly crashed a golf cart into the stage at the presidential…