news

WASHINGTON—With the dispute threatening to derail legislative approval of President Donald Trump’s “big, beautiful bill,” congressional sources confirmed Monday that GOP infighting had erupted over whether the bill was beautiful or…

LOW EARTH ORBIT—Dreading a scenario in which He showed up early and was forced to make awkward small talk with mankind, Jesus Christ, the King of Kings, circled the earth a few times so He wouldn’t be the first to arrive for Judgment Day,…

In an effort to compete with the popularity of ChatGPT, Meta has launched its very own standalone AI app. Here is a selection of the best features available on Meta AI. Convenient voice-activated data leaks Revenge porn editor Makes phone…

NDIANAPOLIS—In an effort to curb unauthorized traffic to adult websites within the state, Indiana lawmakers passed new legislation Thursday requiring all potential viewers of online pornography to register as sex offenders before they could…

Supporters of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. are cheering on the Health And Human Services secretary’s plans to “Make America Healthy Again.” Here is everything you need to know about the MAHA movement. Q: What is MAHA? A: It’s like MAGA but with…

WASHINGTON—In a move that significantly restricts the eligibility of thousands of American troops to fight for their country on the front lines, senior U.S. military officials announced Wednesday that all men with girl names would now be…

Claiming they are targets of genocide and discrimination, the Trump administration has granted white South Africans expedited refugee status. Here are the measures the U.S. government is taking to help resettle Afrikaners. Requiring them to…

NEW YORK—Insisting that they were all busy people with things to do, Sean “Diddy” Combs reportedly asked a U.S. district court judge for a quick trial Tuesday so that he could just get to the part where President Trump pardons him. “With…

AUSTIN, TX—In a landmark piece of legislation designed to stifle individuality across the state, the Texas Legislature passed a bill Friday that legally banned being different around children. “Starting today, adults are no longer…

Starbase, home to SpaceX’s private launch site, has voted to become an official Texas city. The Onion shares the perfect two-day itinerary for Starbase tourists. Day One 9:30 a.m. Get started at the visitor center From the airport, head…