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COLUMBUS, OH—Receiving widespread condemnation from residents and government officials alike, the neo-Nazi march that took place in Ohio’s capital on Saturday was slammed for not procuring the proper permits. “This is not the kind of nation…

NEW YORK—After being forced to eat McDonald’s on the private jet of President-elect Donald Trump, a visibly sweaty Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly performed surgery on himself this weekend to extract a Big Mac from his stomach. “I have to…

The South Korean radical feminist 4B movement, in which women swear off marriage, childbirth, dating men, and sex with men, has sparked intense conversations among Americans on social media. Here is what you need to know about 4B. Q: How…

CLEVELAND—Stalled in a panic after his planned rampage hit an unexpected snag, area office shooter Zachary Carter was reportedly too grossed out Friday to kick down the door of his workplace’s lactation room. “Oh God, yuck—I feel like I can…

OKLAHOMA CITY—In an effort to provide all developing fetuses in the state with a thorough grounding in Judeo-Christian values, a new bill was signed into law Tuesday that requires the Ten Commandments to be displayed in every womb in…

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Explaining that the emotional state can be a legitimate and even healthy reaction to certain stimuli, a study published Tuesday by Harvard University psychiatrists found that anxiety is a natural response to suited men wearing…

SEATTLE—Phasing into our reality with instructions for the new cooking technique, J. Kenji López-Alt returned from the Beef Dimension with a previously unknown sear method that was beyond human comprehension, sources confirmed Tuesday.…

Zyn, a brand of nicotine pouches, has surged in popularity, particularly among young men. Here is what you need to know about the product. Q: How is Zyn different from other nicotine products? A: Unlike cigarettes, you cannot swallow…

Today's Historic Front Page: November 6, 2024 - The Onion Share Published: November 6, 2024 Advertising Explore Tags Related Coverage…

WASHINGTON—Sinking deep into the blissful delusion that they were the “Chairman of the Board,” residents of the mentally broken nation reportedly began dressing and speaking like Frank Sinatra on Wednesday. In what appeared to be an…