nfl

Start SlideshowThere is nothing more mysterious and disgusting than the tangled mess of tubes, holes, and pubic hair that makes up the female anatomy. The Onion answers the most common questions that patients are too embarrassed to ask…

CHESWICK, PA—His mind racing as he watched his hometown Pittsburgh Steelers play on television, local man Troy Belvedere is said to have flipped this week between Steelers quarterback Kenny Pickett being the best-ever and worst-ever…

The Coalition for Jewish Values is out with a new ad Thursday calling on professional sports leagues to abandon support for Black Lives Matter (BLM). The ad begins by featuring BLM Co-Founder Patrisse Cullors calling on activists to “step…

STERLING HEIGHTS, MI—Demonstrating a level of selflessness and compassion for his fellow human that was worthy of sainthood, a modern-day Mother Teresa reportedly waited for an NFL player on a stretcher to give a thumbs-up Sunday before…

In the National Football League, where compensation effectively amounts to a zero-sum game, quarterbacks who seek to maximize their personal profit may also affect their teams’ competitiveness on the field. If pro football running backs…

Sunday night’s NFL matchup between the Kansas City Chiefs and New York Jets turned out to be a much more exciting game than expected — and not for the reason sports media want you to believe. After leading 17-0 at the end of the first…

BRISTOL, CT—Viewers of the nation’s leading sports network were treated to a brilliant display of analysis Monday when ESPN NFL Live spent a full 10-minute segment meticulously breaking down a player running in a straight line for three…

“Her favorite movie is The Babadook. She watches it every morning. She thinks she is the Babadook. She used to get up early in the morning and dress up as the Babadook and then leap on my side of the bed and scream, ‘I am the Babadook, and…

NEW YORK—Attributing the move to its need to address a long-standing safety concern, the NFL introduced a new helmet this week designed to protect players’ wives. “These new helmets are specially designed to withstand repeated blows and to…

BRISTOL, CT—Following a standout week-two performance in which the rookie put up 172 combined rushing and receiving yards, ESPN commentators hailed Atlanta Falcons running back Bijan Robinson this week as a generational talent who will be…