NHL

EDMONTON – In an effort to combat climate change, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has forced the Edmonton NHL team to change its name from the Oilers to the Wind Turbines. “This is the central pillar of my climate change platform,” announced…

MONTREAL – Montreal Canadiens General Manager Marc Bergevin submitted three bizarre offer sheets in the wee hours of the morning to NHL head offices. He commandeered the Habs Twitter account posting: “I’ll show you! I’ll show you all!”…

TORONTO – The NHL is reporting progress in their plan to drive away all but their most disturbed and depraved fans by choosing to support sexual offenders and violent, racist trolls. “Unfortunately our league currently has a diverse group…

TORONTO – With the NHL offseason in full swing Leafs fans have begun engaging in their usual speculation and prognostication concerning how the team could make itself better by trading some of their bad players for much better players…

Tampa Bay, FL – The Tampa Bay Lightning won the Stanley Cup last night, proving once and for all that, in a salary cap league, a team that blatantly exceeds the salary cap will usually be better than teams that don’t. “In a league where…

OTTAWA ― With the Stanley Cup Finals underway, the Canadian Civil Organization of Nerds (CanCON) has warned that the usual non-stop talk about the NHL will be met with swift retaliation this year. “Whether you support the Winnipeg…

TORONTO – As the Montreal Canadiens and their fans celebrate their Cinderella run to the Stanley Cup Finals, disappointed Leafs fans are confident that they would also have made it that far if they’d won in the first round against the Habs…

MONTREAL – A homicide has gone unsolved after the eyewitness who was right there turned out to be an NHL referee, and therefore somehow missed the entire thing. “He was standing right next to the victim when he got shot in the face,” said…

With the Montreal Canadiens having won the North Division, Canadian hockey fans outside Quebec are faced with a dilemma: how can we explain the fact that the Habs did so much better than our teams without acknowledging that they may…

TORONTO – Mistress Saphira, a local Dom who specializes in unique tortures for her clients to endure, has developed a new punishment for Subs eager to feel the pain & humiliation Leafs fans feel every Spring when the Playoffs roll…