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ITHACA, NY—Describing the environment as inadequate for the cognitive development of children, parenting experts at Cornell University warned Wednesday that sealing a newborn for years inside a chamber made entirely of glowing screens could…

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HOWELL, MI—Stressing that the youngster had really gotten himself into hot water this time, local mother Sarah Hendricks insisted to her 5-year-old son on Friday that he would be in big trouble if she survived her gunshot wound. “I swear,…

There’s been much brouhaha over the attempt by woke editors and publishing houses to sanitize the works of Roald Dahl and Ian Fleming to try to make them more amenable to modern audiences. Leftists pore over pages of text to scour out any…

Mushroom Kingdom, Arkansas – As Luigi, Peach, and Donkey Kong get ready for another rousing game of Mario Party, Mario has refused to jump into the warp pipe leading to Koopa Troopa Creek. “I mean… I just dont-a know-a,” explained Mario,…

Looks like the console wars are heating up again, and this already tense conflict has just accelerated to a whole new level after an E3 presentation in which Microsoft claimed that “Xbox is better than PlayStation.” It’s a reckless…

TOKYO—Promising that the blockbuster release’s depiction of the legendary would be completely respectful, Mario Golf producer Toshiharu Izuno defended Monday Nintendo’s choice to use a CGI likeness of Luigi in the game after the star’s…

Ever since the release of Metroid: Samus Returns in 2017, series diehards have been rabidly awaiting any hint about the next installment in this iconic franchise. Well, Nintendo fans, you’re going to want to buckle up because—ah shit.…

REDMOND, WASHINGTON – As part of their latest update to Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Nintendo announced that players who haven’t visited their island in several months have doomed their animal friends to a slow and painful death. …

DONKEY KONG ISLAND – Despite a storied decades-long career as one of the most popular and iconic characters in the Nintendo universe, Donkey Kong is still regarded with suspicion by some of Mario’s friends because of a period in the 1980s…