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INDIANAPOLIS—Let down by the absence of spectacle and suspense she had come to expect from the show, longtime Chicago Fire fan Tina Berk told reporters Tuesday she was disappointed by the new season’s focus on nothing but the characters…

CHICAGO—Despite the expectation of honesty implicit in the journey of healing from addiction, anonymous sources reported Tuesday that lying to a sponsor is actually very easy. “They ask you questions to check on your progress, but you can…

LOS ANGELES—Mumbling “It’s way too early for this” under his breath, local man Ron Myers confirmed Friday that he was just going to roll over and pretend he didn’t see the horse head in his bed for five more minutes. “Nope,” said Myers, who…

SACRAMENTO, CA— Trying not to roll their eyes as the doting mother went on and on about her child, sources confirmed Tuesday that local woman Corinne Lesseder spent the whole eulogy yammering about her kid. “I’m not keeping time, but she’s…

FITCHBURG, MA—Pointing out the shocking contradiction they had been presented with, sources reported Tuesday that the guy over there with the really huge head wasn’t even smart. “You’d think a dome that big would be filled with a ton of…

Alien movies roughly fall into two categories. There is the hostile invasion category, best typified by H.G. Wells’ “War of the World.” Then there is the peaceful, even cuddly category (“E.T.” and “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”), who…