Canada ties for gold at winning bronze
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“Thank Christ, we needed this” says nation
BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team has won the Olympic gold medal, prompting an exhausted nation to declare “Holy fucking shit, thank you.”
“Between two and a half years of COVID and all these fucking protestors I’m at my goddamn…
Humiliating: Canadian women’s hockey team wins quarterfinals by a mere 11 goals
BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team was embarrassed at the Winter Olympics after squeaking by Sweden in the quarterfinal with a meagre 11-0 victory.
“Everyone in that locker room knows we can play better,” said Captain…
Curler’s boyfriend dreading being told to “hurry hard” in bed
GRIMSBY, ON ― 34-year-old Garret Larsen, boyfriend of local skip Eliza Dupont, has admitted that her tendency to compare their sex life to curling is starting to wear a little thin.
“It was funny the first time she joked that she’d ‘take…
American Propagandists At NBC Collude With Propagandists In Communist China To Promote Beijing…
Woke U.S. propagandists at NBCUniversal are colluding with TikTok, the popular social media app owned by Communist China’s ByteDance, to promote the 2022 Winter Olympics in scandal-ridden Beijing via advertising. According to an…
Beijing confirms they won’t cancel Winter Olympics since they already rented extra chairs
BEIJING – Officials from Beijing and the International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed this week that the 2022 Winter Olympics won’t be cancelled amidst rising COVID cases, as they have already put down the deposit for the rental chairs.…
Diplomats who spent 4 years training for Beijing Olympics furious over boycott
OTTAWA – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a diplomatic boycott for the upcoming Beijing Olympics, Canada’s diplomats are expressing outrage that they spent so long training for games they will not be allowed to attend.
“Every…
China Says U.S. Will ‘Pay a Price’ for Diplomatic Boycott of Beijing Olympics
A man walks past a board with logos for the 2022 Winter Olympic Games at a souvenir shop under renovation in Beijing, China, January 29, 2021. (Tingshu Wang/Reuters) The Chinese Foreign Ministry on Tuesday warned that the U.S. will…
Brisbane announced as next city to be blighted with unholy curse of the Olympics
BRISBANE – Announced for the year 2032, Brisbane, Australia has been selected to become the next unfortunate city to be blighted with the unholy curse that is hosting the Olympic Games.
Despite long moonlit rituals and countless warding…
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