Olympics

BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team was embarrassed at the Winter Olympics after squeaking by Sweden in the quarterfinal with a meagre 11-0 victory. “Everyone in that locker room knows we can play better,” said Captain…

GRIMSBY, ON ― 34-year-old Garret Larsen, boyfriend of local skip Eliza Dupont, has admitted that her tendency to compare their sex life to curling is starting to wear a little thin. “It was funny the first time she joked that she’d ‘take…

Woke U.S. propagandists at NBCUniversal are colluding with TikTok, the popular social media app owned by Communist China’s ByteDance, to promote the 2022 Winter Olympics in scandal-ridden Beijing via advertising. According to an…

BEIJING – Officials from Beijing and the International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed this week that the 2022 Winter Olympics won’t be cancelled amidst rising COVID cases, as they have already put down the deposit for the rental chairs.…

OTTAWA – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a diplomatic boycott for the upcoming Beijing Olympics, Canada’s diplomats are expressing outrage that they spent so long training for games they will not be allowed to attend. “Every…

A man walks past a board with logos for the 2022 Winter Olympic Games at a souvenir shop under renovation in Beijing, China, January 29, 2021. (Tingshu Wang/Reuters) The Chinese Foreign Ministry on Tuesday warned that the U.S. will…

BRISBANE – Announced for the year 2032, Brisbane, Australia has been selected to become the next unfortunate city to be blighted with the unholy curse that is hosting the Olympic Games. Despite long moonlit rituals and countless warding…

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TOKYO – The men representing Canada at the Tokyo Olympics have expressed their hope that, one day, they could be as good at their sports as the women representing Canada at the Tokyo Olympics. “Gee Dad, do you think I could be as good as…

BUFFALO GROVE, IL—Puzzled by what they were seeing on screen, local Olympics viewer Riley Baker reportedly asked,“That’s so they can’t have sex?” Monday while staring in confusion at the volleyball net. “Uh, that doesn’t seem like it’s…