omicron

TORONTO – The Delta and Omicron variants are reportedly upset that they had to deal with the provincial government’s rules and regulations, whereas the younger XE subvariant gets to run wild without any restrictions whatsoever. “The…

TORONTO – Claims that the first case of the Omicron variant reported in Beijing ‘arrived on a parcel sent from Canada’ are being met with heavy skepticism by the scientific community as well as anyone who has ever tried mailing anything…

Do you feel like you have Omicron, even though you have three vaccinations, no symptoms, and haven’t stepped outside your foyer barricade since 2020? Don’t be ridiculous, you definitely have it. But put your mind at ease by taking our quiz,…

Remember how last year, you were so sure you were done with the toxicity of online dating and said you would put an honest to God effort into meeting someone in person this year instead of just talking to people online? Well, I think we all…

TORONTO – After you posted that you tested positive for COVID despite barely leaving the house, friends in the comments took the opportunity to advise that they too have been diagnosed with the same infection, despite actually being even…

If the recent spread of the newly surfaced omicron variant has taught us anything, it’s that we can’t stop the spread of COVID-19 with vaccine mandates. While progressive cities in the U.S. trip over each other to mandate vaccine passports…

Dr. Anthony Fauci speaks about the Omicron coronavirus variant during a press briefing at the White House in Washington, D.C., December 1, 2021. (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters) During an appearance on MSNBC on Monday, Anthony Fauci said a…

A traveler walks through the Philadelphia International Airport (PHL) in Philadelphia, Penn., December, 23 2021. (Hannah Beier/Reuters) The Biden administration on December 31 will lift travel restrictions initially imposed on eight…

WINNIPEG – Due to ongoing supply chain issues across the country, a local woman has completely run out of fucks to give. Alexis Jenkins, 29, has historically given excessive fucks, otherwise known as “having anxiety.” Unfortunately, after…

NOTE: This review contains spoilers for The Matrix Resurrections trailers but not the movie, since no one at the Beaverton has seen it because have you read the most recent COVID numbers? Jesus. “What is the Matrix?” was the question that…