Ontario

TORONTO – With Queen’s Park ordering the removal of the city’s bike lane infrastructure, an exasperated Toronto has offered to start calling Ontario Premier Doug Ford “Mayor”, thus satiating his lifelong yearning for the job, if he just…

Thanksgiving is here. A time for families to come together, make lasting memories and try to remember what this Holiday is technically supposed to be honouring. But mostly we eat. Usually Turkey is the centerpiece of the meal, but across…

Having managed to take down Ontario Place and The Science Centre, Doug Ford’s plans to destroy every cool thing in Toronto appear to be well under way. But the man who put the Buck into ‘this beer costs way more than a buck’ has been…

Toronto traffic is some of the worst in the world. And instead of focusing on getting people to use their cars less by investing in transit, bike lanes and pedestrianization, we need solutions that allow our behaviour to carry on exactly as…

TORONTO – The Ontario government has ordered a handful of high-altitude jet planes to try and stanch the rash of thieves making off with the helicopters that were purchased to staunch the rash of car thefts in the province. “We can assure…

QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced the imminent shutdown of a local safe injection site in favour of a new retail outlet devoted solely to alcohol consumption. “I have heard the pleas of average Ontarians sick and tired…

Metrolinx, the entity whose approach to completing the Eglinton LRT is most accurately comparable to George R.R. Martin’s approach to finishing the A Song Of Ice And Fire books, has raised eyebrows for it’s costs in recent weeks. These…

QUEEN’S PARK – In the wake of an LCBO strike, Premier Doug Ford has reportedly been working around the clock to secure Ontarian’s access to hard liquor, as keeping conservative voters “24/7 hammered” is the only way to keep them voting for…

TORONTO – After standing for 54 years as a testament to midcentury architecture and a source of memories for generations of young people, the Ontario Science Centre was announced to be closing today, the result of strain on its roof as it…

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