Ontario

TORONTO – Doug Ford invoked the Notwithstanding Clause yesterday in order to pass an unconstitutional bill restricting outside parties from telling voters what an absolute piece of shit he is up to 12 months before an election. “This…

TORONTO – After the provincial vaccination website opened to residents looking to book their second dose became slow, unwieldy, and inaccurate, web-designers hired for the job confronted the unforeseen possibility that people would actually…

TORONTO – As retail stores opened in Ontario this weekend, thousands of losers, nobodies and morons chose to stand in line to buy items from retail stores instead of just ordering everything from Amazon, the conglomerate run by Jeff Bezos,…

QUEEN’S PARK – As part of the province’s reopening plan, the Ontario government announced last week that Ontarians will be allowed to go camping this summer, as long as the trips are for business purposes or completely unenjoyable.…

LONDON, ON – After a horrific and premeditated hate-crime took the lives of 4 Muslim people this weekend, local man Dave Travers took to social media to re-assure people that this kind of thing doesn’t happen in Canada, just like he did all…

QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford made the bold pronouncement this afternoon that the closure of Ontario schools will continue for the remainder of June and – shockingly – extend into July and August. “Folks, I’ve always said that I’ll do…

After 14 months of COVID we’re all anxious to get back to fun summer activities. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like we’ll be fully vaccinated until September/October, but there are still a ton of fun, activities you can do in the meantime.…

IT’S SIMPLE! How to book your vaccine using 8 websites, 5 booking IDs, a decoder ring, and the divine providence of Christ Vaccine appointments are opening up for Ontarians 18+! We know you might be unfamiliar with the province’s booking…

Hamilton, ON – Following the announcement that Ontario will no longer be giving out first doses of the AstraZeneca vaccine, local 46 year old machinist Dwayne McEwen could be seen leaning up against the side of his 1988 Pontiac Fiero…

TORONTO – In the wake of numerous attack ads and tweets from Ford and his team that falsely claim the third wave in Ontario was caused by the federal government’s failure to close the border, Ontarians have expressed some surprise that Ford…