Ontario

TORONTO – Faced with questions as to why Ontario is not vaccinating more people, Premier Doug Ford insisted that hundreds of thousands of eligible residents have, for some reason, not signed up to receive the shots he constantly claims his…

TORONTO – With a video of packed crowds at Toronto’s Yorkdale Mall going viral, just 3 days after Doug Ford announced a province-wide shutdown, today the Premier clarified that the high-end mall remains open specifically for emergency…

QUEEN’S PARK – While announcing this week’s province-wide shutdown, Ontario Premier Doug Ford added that he is positive his administration is close to solving the current health crisis, citing the age-old adage of “3rd waves the charm.” “As…

TORONTO — As Ontario enters its third official lockdown of the pandemic, many are calling the new lockdown measures confusing, ineffectual, and almost no different than what they were before. Premier Doug Ford called a press conference…

Springfield, MA — It was all hands on deck at dictionary-maker Merriam Webster’s head office as employees worked to create a new definition of “shutdown” following Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s announcement this afternoon. “Because of the…

TORONTO – With Ontario in the midst of a third wave of the COVID Pandemic, Ontario Premier and former hash dealer Doug Ford has proven to be absolutely terrible at getting residents the pharmaceutical drugs known as vaccines that they…

TORONTO – Under pressure for keeping thousands of doses of vaccines in storage rather than administer them, Premier Ford reassured Ontarians this morning that these vaccines will be sold to the highest bidder as soon as possible. “It may…

TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is unwillingly to administer all the vaccines the federal government has acquired and supplied to Ontario because he has named each one and grown attached. “My friends, these are my friends,” began…

TORONTO – After Tory MPP and Parliamentary Secretary Sam Oosterhoff gave a speech to a controversial anti-abortion group that recently compared a woman’s right to choose to the Holocaust, Doug Ford has assured Ontarians that he remains…

BARRIE, ON – Your mom, last seen at a grocery store opening a produce bag with her teeth, called you at 7:45pm to ask when you were going to hop on a Megabus up to Barrie, Ontario to visit. “I hope I’ll be able to see you soon, I’ve just…