Ontario

QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Ford’s Ontario PC’s have passed controversial new legislation that could force hospital patients awaiting long-term care to be stored in long-term self storage units not of their own choosing. “Folks, we need some…

TORONTO – Local man Matt Faskins has visited his friend in London, England more often than he has his friend in London, ON since each moved away 6 years ago. “Back in University me, Simon and Dave were inseparable,” said Faskins.…

SUDBURY, ON – Local man Nick Jacobs declared this weekend that he was confident in his pro-life stance despite making every pro-choice argument there is. Eight minutes after arriving at his buddy’s BBQ, Jacobs slapped on his Bass Pro Shop…

QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario’s hospitals reporting emergency room closures and critical nursing shortages, Premier Doug Ford has announced a new relief plan allowing patients to diagnose themselves following a self-serve model. The plan…

EDMONTON – Running for leader of the UCP on a platform of ‘Alberta First’ Danielle Smith took time today to give reporters her clear ranking of the Canadian provinces. “Many people think I’m just ripping off Donald Trump by running on a…

TIMMINS, ON — Upon hearing the unmistakable sound of a scoop dig into a wet clump of litter, three-year-old Muffins Fitzwilliam has climbed atop his cat tree to look down upon you with the quiet, menacing authority of a tiny feudal lord.…

TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has emerged from his secret underground laboratory to announce his successful creation of a new breed of mayor with the strength, speed, agility and superhuman powers heretofore unseen in mayors.…

My uncle Doug Ford and I have been getting a lot of flak online for my recent appointment as Ontario Minister of Multiculturism and I don’t think it’s fair, not one bit. What people don’t seem to appreciate is that some of my closest…

TORONTO – Ontario has doubled the maximum rate a landlord can raise a tenant’s rent next year in order to help them cope with the cost of living increases that affect them and not the people paying off their mortgages. “Between food prices,…

CALEDON, ON – Public reaction to this week’s provincial election results has been mixed, save for one local man who is thrilled to watch the slow decimation of Ontario’s wetlands. “I couldn’t be happier to see the province’s stinky weird…