Ontario

BURLINGTON, ON – Local data engineer Chris Chen has spent weeks insisting to friends how worried he is about the upcoming US midterm elections, all without ever acknowledging the Ontario provincial election happening today. “With the rising…

By: Doug Ford Look, there is no one more surprised than me that Ontario has apparently liked what I’ve done over the last 4 years. I never thought I was going to win in the first place. One second there was a CTV news article about Patrick…

ALGONQUIN PARK – Two hikers who had become lost while trekking back to their campsite in Algonquin Park this Saturday were astonished to observe what is now the first confirmed sighting of the elusive and long-rumored Steven Del Duca. “Well…

TORONTO – In the wake of over 4,500 long term care deaths during Ontario’s COVID-19 crisis the provincial Conservative Government is thankful that, despite losing thousands of older PC-leaning voters, they’re still probably going to win…

TORONTO – In the recent Ontario Leaders Debate there seemed to be little the hopefuls for premier agreed upon, but one thing on which all four caucasian candidates did concur was that Ontario’s greatest strength is diversity. “You know…

QUEEN’S PARK – Doug Ford’s office says the premier will suspend his campaign activities to self-isolate at home following accidental exposure to a journalist’s question. “The scariest part of all this,” said one Ford staffer/ campaign aide,…

Halton Hills, ON ― Political analysts have determined that your grandfather’s rationale for voting Conservative in June of “I haven’t heard anything about this Del Duca guy” is complete bullshit, and also still better than any other reason…

Chatham,ONT – At a campaign rally today, Steven Del Duca paused during his stump speech and appeared to take 10-12 seconds to remember the name of the current Ontario Liberal Party leader. This concerned many as the current leader is in…

TORONTO – Pharmacies across Ontario are facing a shortage of cold-fighting household staples, and no one seems to be able to pinpoint the reason why. Across the province, residents are unable to get their hands on medicinal basics,…

Steven Del Duca is the Ontario Liberal Party’s new leader and candidate for Premier. So just who is Steven Del Duca? No seriously, I’m honestly asking. Which one is he again? His first name and ovular head seem to ring a bell. Oh that’s it.…