Op-Ed

Greetings, human! It has been some time since we've seen each other or interacted in any way. Therefore, as I have been thoughtful enough to grace you with my presence on this fine afternoon, I should think you'd be delighted to give me all…

Even at my young age and short stature, I’ve killed bad guys, hundreds of them. It is a gruesome task that requires the finesse of a robot ninja spy, the strength of three Batmans, and an expansive collection of finely-honed weapons…

There’s a lot of debate over a seemingly inconsequential topic, but I feel I must weigh in. It’s become increasingly common for people to claim that the 1988 action thriller Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Well, there are a few things I know…

State lines. He crossed state lines.State. Lines.The lines between states.On one side is one state, one is another state.And he crossed them... he crossed the state lines.STATE LINES!One minute he was in one state, and the next he was…

A critical bill that could end or save life as we know it doesn’t come along very often—maybe every month or two—and one has just arrived in the form of the $3.5 trillion social spending bill. If this bill doesn’t pass, millions will die…

Op-Ed: I Praise Biden's Measured, Unprovocative Approach To Governing The Colonies Given the stiff-necked and obstinate nature of those residing in the unforgiving frontier of the Americas, the actions of the crowne always carry with them a…

Op-Ed: I Have To Write This Quickly As The Taliban Is Breaking Into My Building But Biden Is Doing A Great Job This is going to be shorter than usual, as I have a very tight deadline since I hear the Taliban breaking into my building, but I…

Op-Ed: I Tried Firing An AR-15 Yesterday And I Have Literally Been Soiling Myself For 17 Straight Hours The AR-15 — the deadliest abomination known to man. A gun so terrible it’s killed more people than net neutrality and Trump’s tax cuts…

Op-Ed: Back In The Good Old Days, People Died Of Diseases All The Time And We Didn't Make A Big Deal About It What’s my number one complaint about today’s society? Oh, yeah. Hatlessness. Men don't wear hats anymore. But what’s my number two…

Listen, a lot of people have been suggesting this whole "blood of the patriots" language and suggesting you can just go topple a government using just muskets. It's absurd on its face. You can't go up against a nation that has big ships.…