pandemic

MOOSEJAW, SK — After months of hemming and hawing, local pipe-fitter Alvin Cummings finally booked his first-dose vaccination at a local clinic and upon arriving was dismayed to learn that they no longer had any AstraZeneca, Pfizer or…

HALIFAX – In a surprise move, the province of Nova Scotia has announced additional restrictions at its border, aimed at containing the spread of New Brunswickers. “We know that these new restrictions come as a surprise, but we believe that…

EDMONTON – With the recent announcement that the provincial vaccination lottery will include free air travel and resort vacations as prizes, Albertans are eager to find out if they will soon be taking in the sights, sounds, and potentially…

Over the past year and a half, COVID-19 has upended our lives in ways previously unfathomable to even the wildest, gayest imaginations. Pride celebrations have moved online, and if Drag Race Season 9 were airing now, Valentina would be…

TORONTO – As retail stores opened in Ontario this weekend, thousands of losers, nobodies and morons chose to stand in line to buy items from retail stores instead of just ordering everything from Amazon, the conglomerate run by Jeff Bezos,…

EDMONTON – Because the COVID vaccine generally causes soreness in the arm it’s injected into, Dr. Alex Hall has been advising Canadians to get it in their non-masturbation arm. “Many Canadians are still in lockdown and isolated from their…

WEST VIRGINIA- In a time when most states are struggling with low mortality rates,West Virginia Governor and local boyboss Jim Justice (R) is offering state residents a chance to win guns if they get the COVID-19 vaccine. So innovative! “We…

TORONTO — Canada’s National Advisory Committee on Immunization (NACI) updated its guidelines this week to indicate that doses of the Moderna, Pfizer, and AstraZeneca vaccines can be safely combined, like a sexy immunological ménage à trois.…

SASKATOON – 33-year-old Jackson Shepherd still doesn’t know what COVID is and is now way too embarrassed to ask about it. “When I got back from a camping trip last year everyone was talking about it, and I had no idea what the hell was…

WINNIPEG – As anti-lockdown rallies continue in COVID hotspots across the country, several protestors compared the public health measures to the totalitarian ideology summarised on the Wikipedia page for the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four.…