pandemic

OTTAWA – In a statement earlier this week, Prime Minister Trudeau announced he is excited to offer the public an organized, efficient, and clearly communicated vaccine rollout first thing next pandemic. “Sometimes you gotta look at…

TORONTO – The Ontario government is racing to fix a huge oversight with COVID-19 vaccines after realizing they also need to actually administer them to people. “I just don’t know how someone, probably me, could have overlooked this,” said…

TORONTO – Local Torontonian Jamie Fellows, who has been unemployed for seven months, is unable to pay for therapy to help deal with the stress of being unemployed because they are unemployed. “The pandemic has taken a real toll on my…

AUSTIN – Texas Governor Greg Abbott brought an end to state-wide mask mandates and gathering restrictions late Tuesday evening, boasting that – like everything else – state coronavirus death tolls are simply bigger in Texas. “Big is what…

OTTAWA – In a press release issued this past Wednesday, the Canada Revenue Agency has vowed to revolutionize its beloved customer service by hanging up on even more callers. According to CRA spokesperson Etienne Biram, “So many Canadians…

OTTAWA – The Canadian government is pleased to announce that Health Canada has approved AstraZeneca’s COVID-19 vaccine, yet another vaccine that most Canadians won’t have access to for six months, if they’re lucky. “I think all Canadians…

Hamilton, ON – Jenny Reid, an executive assistant who’s been quarantining in her studio apartment due to Covid-19 since March 2020 feels like she’s the only person taking the pandemic seriously. And you know what? She’s right. This has been…

TORONTO – Local baby, Richard Henderson, born shortly after the first Ontario COVID-19 shutdown, just celebrated his 38th birthday. Henderson, who now suffers from male pattern baldness and pays large monthly mortgage fees, had to grow up…

TORONTO – With the NHL’s all-Canadian North Division being given permission to dine indoors in certain Ontario restaurants, local Mack Blastor’s server Tom Kramer says he is thrilled to soon catch a potentially deadly virus from one of his…

LONDON, UK – An early preview of the 2021 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records suggests that the reference book will be much more grim than previous volumes, owing to the nature of the previous year. “Through basically all of 2020,…