patty

RACINE, WI—Touting the product as a quick, easy way to take the putrid stench out of expired goods, household brand Glade announced Wednesday that it had released a brand-new meat freshener spray. “With Glade’s new meat freshener spray, say…

COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to come clean about the storied history of the brand, White Castle released a statement Tuesday confirming its sliders were the result of centuries of inbreeding. “Years of burgers procreating within the same…

WASHINGTON—Assuring her coworkers that she wouldn’t have made the request if the event weren’t important, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly swapped shifts with a coworker at Orangetheory Thursday so she could attend the State of the…

PORTLAND, ME—Conceding that they had been piling up lately in an unsustainable way, the world’s issues, domestic and international, reportedly came to a halt Wednesday so that local woman Patricia Hanlon could deal with her own problems.…