penis

FINDLAY, OH—Expressing frustration with the pressures of working in an underfunded public high school, local teacher Jason Corgenne told reporters Monday that he was forced to pay out of pocket just so his students could have access to the…

OLATHE, KS—Assuaging a client’s concerns about a potential problem with their heating and cooling system, local HVAC technician Frank Legrand confirmed Thursday that the random clanking noise the homeowner was hearing at night was merely…

Start SlideshowWhile pleasuring oneself can be fun, sometimes it can be beneficial to remove your hand from your pants and give your overworked genitals a break. Here are all the hidden health benefits of refusing to…

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Start SlideshowRather than getting on a treadmill or going for a run, one way to get a good workout in is to take off your clothes and rub your genitals against someone else’s naked body. The following are the best ways to burn calories…

TRUSSVILLE, AL—Saying the state could pry his reproductive organs from his cold, dead hands, local conservative Sean Weiss worried aloud Wednesday about the government coming to take his hard-earned genitals. “I’ve worked my entire life to…

SAN FRANCISCO—Emphasizing the extra steps it took to ensure the sex lives of its customers remained public, telehealth company Hims announced a new indiscreet shipping option Thursday that alerts neighbors to an impending erection. “With…

Start SlideshowWhile there are obvious red flags such as being a man who is weak, inadequate, or a good listener, The Onion provides a helpful guide to signs that you probably are a beta male.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideUnder…

ATLANTA—In a partnership with the Ad Council to educate the nation about the strange fleshy organs beneath their pants, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention addressed the plummeting birth rate by launching a new campaign Wednesday…

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