pets

REGINA, SK – A new study conducted by researchers at The Littlest Hobo Memorial University has uncovered a starling trend; in 95% of cases, most hero dogs’ attempts to get help are ignored by human authority figures. “Going back through…

There is a lot going on in New York. An influx of illegal immigrants is straining the capital city. Only 30 percent of residents are happy with the quality of life the Big Apple currently affords them. Donald Trump held a rally at Madison…

DURHAM, NC—The sense of doom only dawning on the canine after the Disney princess dress had been pulled over his head, local dog Pickles reportedly looked at his owner Thursday the way a mafia don looks at a once-loyal consigliere who has…

BURLINGTON, VT—Though the man is met with little more than polite smiles and indifferent nods as he brings his dog around from cubicle to cubicle, sources at Patterson Technologies confirmed Tuesday that employee Kyle Lutz thinks his…

WINDSOR — Local cat Furvel Mittenpaws has sent shockwaves through the Watson household after deliberately knocking over the family’s swear jar in an act of pure malice. “That son of a bitch knew exactly what the fuck he was doing,” said…

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CHARLESTON, SC—Making what onlookers described as an embarrassing scene, local dog Cooper and his owner, Michelle Arkin, were having a public fight in the middle of a farmers market, sources reported Monday. “Cooper! Cooper, you will behave…

TORONTO – Brandi Bepple was shocked to discover her daughter’s gerbil, Peanut, has already surpassed her 2023 fitness goals, despite her extensive preparation and detailed vision boarding. Bepple purchased the two-month-old Mongolian gerbil…

VANCOUVER – An international team of scientists has concluded a revolutionary study investigating the inner workings of the animal mind and the results are: nothing interesting. The study involved dozens of scientists from around the world…