plants

LOS ANGELES—The internet was lit ablaze with fierce debate Wednesday morning as cooking podcast host Lisa Quinn was reportedly under fire for her controversial claim that vaccines give you potatoes. “I’m just saying that there is data…

DEARBORN, MI—In a shareholder presentation intended to demonstrate the next generation of automotive innovation, Ford CEO Jim Farley announced Wednesday that “all that is old is new again” as he unveiled a donkey-drawn turnip cart. “What is…

SASKATOON — Local plants Natalie and William expressed their horror at having to reside on a structure surrounded by the corpses of their relatives, which have been dried, mulched, flattened, bound, and imprinted with line after line of…

A California man has been arrested for allegedly stealing 21 tons of pistachio nuts valued at over $100,000 from an agricultural company, with authorities eventually finding the nuts hidden inside a nearby trailer and already packaged for…

CINCINNATI—Shushing the toys as he carefully studied every vehicle and pedestrian passing by his house, heroic local conservative Darryl Sawchuck reportedly put his life on the line Thursday to hide several dozen Mr. Potato Heads in his…