politicians

WASHINGTON—In a heartwarming and touching end to the story of two soulmates, sources confirmed Thursday that President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump died two minutes apart holding hands. “Only minutes before their deaths, they…

WASHINGTON—As part of a $1 trillion clean energy plan to make executives say the word climate more, President Joe Biden announced Wednesday that the federal government would be awarding subsidies to any CEO who says the word climate.…

WASHINGTON—Drawing swift rebukes from regulators and industry activists, the Biden administration came under fire Thursday for breaking child labor laws after half of the federal cabinet was revealed to be under the age of 10. “We’ve…

The Biden administration approved a massive $8 billion drilling project in Alaska for oil company ConocoPhillips, drawing objections from environmental groups who say it will speed up the climate breakdown and undermine food security. What…

Democratic Sen. Dianne Feinstein (CA) announced that she will not run for reelection in 2024, ending her 50-year career in politics. What do you think?“I hope this means she’s running for president.”Lance Wu, UnemployedCCOffEnglish“She’ll…

WASHINGTON—Hoping to gain an edge over the crowded field to replace the outgoing lawmaker, Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) reportedly sought Senator Dianne Feinstein’s campaign endorsement Tuesday by playing into the delusion that he’s her high…

WASHINGTON—Releasing an involuntary sigh as she repeated what felt like the same conversation they had every month, an exasperated Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly explained her job to her aunt again Friday. “Come on, I’ve told you…

President Biden, two years into his term and facing a Republican-led House for the first time, delivered his State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress last night. What did you think of the speech?“There wasn’t enough …

WASHINGTON—Waking up the morning after she repeatedly shouted at President Biden during his State of the Union address, an anxious Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) reportedly wondered Wednesday if she had talked too much the night before.…

President Joe Biden delivered his second State of the Union address to the nation last night. The Onion looks at the highlights of the president’s speech.CCOffEnglishRaised interest rates 0.25% in response to boosMade repeated, unexplained…