Politics

WASHINGTON D.C. — Business owners around Washington D.C. have begun preparing for an overwhelming outpouring from the ‘Party Of Joy' by decorating their storefronts with highly durable yet cost-efficient plywood.Just one day before the…

MALIBU, CA—Insisting that situations such as this compelled the federal government to act immediately, former presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. told reporters Monday that he was demanding Secret Service protection after finding a…

PALM BEACH, FL—Clutching their stomachs and wincing with pain after gorging themselves on tens of thousands of votes, the morbidly obese Trump boys told reporters Monday that they now regretted eating so many ballots. “Oh, my tummy hurts…

President Joe Biden followed his condemnation of half the country as “garbage” last week by publicly fantasizing about giving men who vote for Republicans a “smack.” At his final campaign stop for Vice President Kamala Harris on Saturday,…

ATLANTA—Holding their hands up to their mouths and giggling as their eyes darted from side to side, the nation’s impish swing voters announced Monday that they had a little surprise in store for everyone. “Tee-hee-hee! You’d like to know…

ATLANTA—As part of a public campaign to prevent the state’s residents from being turned away at the polls, Georgia officials reminded voters Thursday that they would need to bring two forms of weapon to their voting place in order to…

Poll Watcher Slaps ‘I Voted Sticker’ On Bump Stock - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: November 4, 2024 More News in Photos Explore Tags…

Polling Place Boosts Attendance With ’80s Night - The Onion News In Photos Share Published: November 4, 2024 More News in Photos Explore Tags…

U.S. — What was expected to be a close Presidential election is now projected to be a 50-state landslide for Trump after the former President showed up to a rally in a squirrel costume.Honoring the late squirrel "Peanut", Trump delivered…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the electoral clock ticking down, the Harris campaign called President Joe Biden to ask him to please, please head to Antarctica.According to staffers close to Kamala Harris, Biden's presidential presence at Anvers…