Politics

ARLINGTON, VA—Expressing unease with his customer’s obvious level of inebriation, local bartender Benny Waller confirmed Friday that he had been forced to take away Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s security clearance. “Look, buddy,…

Happy Valentine’s Day, patriots! Is there any better way to celebrate the life and legacy of an early Christian martyr — beaten and beheaded for his faith — than with chocolates, candlelight dinner, and champagne? How about…

In declaring her candidacy for governor of New Mexico, former Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland became the first high-ranking official from the Biden administration to run for a new political office. The announcement surprised no one,…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a powerful statement, RFK Jr was sworn in as the next Secretary of Health and Human Services Thursday on a raw 32-ounce ribeye.Sources say that instead of the traditional Bible, the new HHS Secretary used an organic,…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was confirmed Thursday as the next Secretary of Health and Human Services with a 52-48 vote in the Senate and now Democrats are in a panic, with many rushing off to chug as much seed oil as they can…

Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., may be nearing the end of his political career, but that doesn’t mean he’s done stabbing Republican voters in the back. During the past few days, the former Senate GOP leader has voted against several of…

Since his first day in office, President Donald Trump has swiftly delivered on many campaign promises. He has issued executive orders to end the foreign invasion at our southern border, eliminate racist DEI rules, and appointed Elon Musk to…

In college, my freshman theology professor constantly made us repeat the saying: “A text without a context is a pretext for a prooftext.” In other words, twisting Scripture out of context to back up a predetermined position is dangerous…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Panic quickly ensued for federal government employee Jared Walker after Elon Musk's son Lil X came up and asked what, exactly, he does around here.Walker quickly began sweating and hyperventilating under the withering…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have unleashed furious attacks on Republicans for using winning the election as an excuse to try to take control of the government.Democrats have accused Republicans of attempting to make decisions as to how…