Politics

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise move this morning, President Biden announced he has granted a full and complete pardon to the Dark Lord Sauron.The pardon will reportedly cover any crimes that Sauron may have committed during the entirety…

OTTAWA — After disgraced professor and beef enthusiast Jordan Peterson announced yesterday that he had moved to Florida due to the Canadian government’s allegedly woke fascist policies, Justin Trudeau immediately issued a statement saying…

LUXEMBOURG — According to eyewitnesses at the Grand Duke's palace, Nancy Pelosi was rushed to the hospital earlier today after her blood alcohol level plunged dangerously.Sources say that the Democrat representative is now in stable…

PALM BEACH, FL—Despite begging to attend the party in his suit like every other member of Donald Trump’s future cabinet, Vice President-elect JD Vance was reportedly forced to dress as an elf Friday for the Mar-a-Lago Christmas party. “Hey…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the latest round of mass pardons, President Joe Biden made waves by issuing a pardon to his wife, Jill, for impersonating a doctor.The pardon reportedly covers "any and all instances" of impersonation as far back as…

Sen. Markwayne Mullin, R-Okla., complained on Thursday that social media has ruined Congress’s ability to make secretive deals on legislation before it is released to the public. Mullin made the comments during a panel at a conference…

According to a recent poll, about 13% of Canadians support Donald Trump’s recent suggestion that Canada become the 51st state. Naturally we wanted to ask them “what the fuck is wrong with you?!” But instead we went with “why?” See More:…

Is Sen. Todd Young, R-Ind., having his Joni Ernst moment? It sure seems like it. On Wednesday, the Hoosier State’s senior senator told CNN mouthpiece Manu Raju he’s still undecided as to whether he will support Pete Hegseth’s nomination to…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Federal agent Ray Epps will step down from his role as head of PSYOPS at the end of the Biden administration, the agency said Thursday, ending a distinguished career of covertly manipulating the American people.Epps said…

U.S. — Despite currently being in custody and charged with the murder of a health insurance company CEO, alleged assassin Luigi Mangione has now taken the lead in 2028 Democratic primary polls.Though more well-known candidates like Kamala…