Real Estate

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CAPE CANAVERAL – Astronaut Jeremy Hansen, a colonel in the RCAF, will become the first Canadian to orbit the moon in an effort to find affordable housing. “Catherine and I have three kids, so space is a big factor,” said Hansen, rubbing his…

TORONTO – Marcella Ford, niece of Ontario Premier Doug Ford, has announced that her upcoming Sweet 16 Birthday Party will have the theme of Urban Development Opportunities. “A lot of my friends were going with traditional themes like the…

TORONTO – After hearing yet another story of a “Downtrodden, heartbroken, teensy weensy little landlord” who became upset when a tenant callously needed a place to live, Canada’s national broadcaster is now reporting that all landlords…

OTTAWA – Struggling home buyers rejoice! After years of an impossibly expensive real estate market, it looks like home prices are finally starting to fall due to the increased costs of borrowing money to buy one, making homes in Canada just…

TORONTO – The Ontario Minister responsible for providing secret information to Real Estate Developers about the government’s plans to allow development on the Greenbelt denied allegations that he provided secret information to Real Estate…

QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford announced he is extending his government’s Black Friday Greenbelt Land Sale, allowing real estate moguls and elite donors to purchase only-recently developable land at bargain prices. “That’s right folks,”…

BRAMPTON, ON – Local 20-somethings Brittany McKennah and Lindseigh Tott are showing the world that living out of your van is nothing to be ashamed of, provided you’re hot, rich, and young. “There is such a stigma around not having a…

TORONTO – After a recent drop in the Canadian housing market, city dweller and accounts manager, Benedict Witt, 34, has become the only person that is considering he may now be able to afford to purchase a house. Maybe. “I’ve been waiting…