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THE HEAVENS—Sipping on a Diet Coke as He described the mix of alcohol and pills He had lived off of for years, a newly sober God admitted Tuesday that He had no recollection of creating the universe. “Everyone tells Me I made light and…

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WASHINGTON—Making the case that the time had come to abandon your godless life of unbelief, a new report released Tuesday by a consortium of local pastors found that just giving in and going to church would solve all of your problems. “The…

SEATTLE—Providing clarity for customers in Russia, Moldova, Serbia, Georgia, and several other countries where the branch of Christianity is dominant, Amazon announced Monday that Orthodox Prime Day would be held July 29 through 30 this…

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Bulgarian archaeologists excavating an ancient Roman sewer stumbled upon a 6.8-foot-tall marble statue of the Greek god Hermes, which they believe was intentionally placed there in 388 A.D. and covered with dirt, causing it to be remarkably…

Carlo Acutis, a devout 15-year-old who died of leukemia in 2006 and has been nicknamed “God’s influencer” for his popular database cataloging Eucharistic miracles, has been officially recognized by Pope Francis as a saint, becoming the…

THE HEAVENS—Groaning as He surveyed the massive piles of souls, a stressed-out God confirmed Tuesday that He had not realized He was supposed to reincarnate all those dead people. “Oh, shit, that was my job?” said the Lord God Almighty, who…

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A new survey suggests that members of Gen Z are falling for misinformation about sun protection at an alarmingly high rate. In an era where UV rays are more harmful than ever before, here the biggest misconceptions 12- to 27-year-olds have…