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THE HEAVENS—Claiming that love had made Him do crazy things, the Lord God Almighty admitted Monday that sending the Great Flood to destroy the evil He beheld upon the earth was just a misguided attempt to impress Jodie Foster. “Truth be…

Eligio Regalado, a pastor from Denver, CO and his wife, Kaitlyn Regalado, were charged with a civil complaint that the pair created and sold a valueless cryptocurrency called “INDXcoin,” raising nearly $3.2 million that they used to fund a…

Start SlideshowPope Francis recently called surrogacy “deplorable” and “a grave violation” that exploits the birth mother and the unborn child. The Onion asked Catholics why they opposed surrogacy, and this is what they…

Though they belong to the most popular religion in the world, Christians remain mercilessly persecuted by a depraved subset of maniacs who do not believe in God. The Onion asked Christians why atheists are bullies, and this is what they…

ATLANTA—In an effort to align the brand’s supply chain with its Christian values, the fast food restaurant Chick-fil-A announced Monday that it would only serve chickens conceived in wedlock. “Starting today, our more than 3,000 Chick-fil-A…

THE HEAVENS—Saying He was surprised and intrigued by the sudden new insight into His divine heritage, the Lord God Almighty told reporters Thursday He had recently learned He was 25% Puerto Rican. “I honestly had no idea, but it turns out…

Pope Francis is formally allowing Catholic priests to bless same-sex couples, with the caveat that they cannot endorse their marriage, a rite which can only occur between a man and a woman in the Catholic church. What do you think? “Uh-oh.…

VATICAN CITY—Once more advancing his vision of a more inclusive church, Pope Francis reportedly broke with longstanding Roman Catholic doctrine Monday when he pressed his face against a steamy glass door in fervent approval of same-sex…

JERUSALEM—Struggling not to betray their surprise at the large, crustacean-like appendages being waved around by the Son of God, people currently witnessing the Second Coming were apparently just going to pretend they already knew Jesus had…

The Merriam-Webster dictionary named the word “authentic” as its 2023 word of the year, with the word being among the year’s most searched and many contrasting its definition with the rise of AI usage in everyday life. What do you…