sandwich

ROCHESTER, MN — Reports are coming in that a ham and cheese sandwich suffered a grievous injury in its internal ingredients, necessitating medical evacuation to the Mayo Clinic. “This is about as serious a case as I’ve ever seen,” said…

INDIANAPOLIS—Admitted with complaints that it had been hard to tell the difference between their fingers and their food, everyone in Unity Medical Center emergency room Friday had bitten a digit off their hand while holding a sandwich,…

TAOS, NM—Returning the snacks to the cupboard a few bites before everything in his life would have fallen into place, local man Mario Rossi stopped one Oreo short of successfully eating away all of his problems, sources reported Wednesday.…

NAPERVILLE, IL—Working quickly and efficiently after the roast beef sandwich he’d been eating unexpectedly began to leak juices from the back, local man Dave Brauer reportedly rushed to strategically hold his dripping food over other food…

Start SlideshowAdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideAdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideAdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideAdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideAdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideAdvertisementPrevious SlideNext…

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ—In an effort to make the historically white sandwich spread more inclusive, Hellmann’s introduced a new line of mayonnaises Wednesday that has been designed to match every skin tone. “If you eat a big sloppy sandwich…

BEVERLY, MA—Explaining that minor inconveniences weren’t worth fretting over, laid-back local man Tom Glickstein told reporters Monday that he felt ready and able to take whatever the sandwich he was currently eating threw his way. “I…