sanitation

DAYTON, OH—A wave of nostalgia and dirty toilet water rushing over them, old classmates attending a reunion at Belhaven High School easily picked up right in the swirly where they had left off, sources reported Wednesday. “Wow, it’s wild…

DENVER—Charging a premium for the highly sought-after amenity, an apartment listing posted Monday reportedly counted the toilet as storage space. “Bathroom features extra storage in the tank behind the toilet,” the listing read in part,…

GILBERT, AZ—Noting that just spending a few minutes a day on a toilet had drastically improved her mental and physical health, local woman Jessica Emerson admitted to reporters Monday that she considered her bathroom break self-care. “I…

NEW YORK—Citing their complete lack of self-awareness and inability to read basic social cues, the nation’s CEOs gathered Monday to announce their plan to be total fucking freaks when you run into them in the bathroom. “Please note that we…

PITTSBURGH—Grasping at the walls for balance as he made his way to a public restroom, local blackout drunk man Charlie Hull was desperately searching Thursday for a toilet to fall asleep on, according to sources familiar with the situation.…