Santa Claus

WICHITA, KS—Complaining that the holidays had ended four months ago, annoyed local shoppers told reporters Friday that Towne West Square still hadn’t removed its now-rotting Santa Claus from a seasonal display in the mall. “He looked nice…

Ho, Ho, Ho! I Saw You Masturbating!OffEnglishSeasons greetings, from your old friend Santa! Santa has been hard at work up at the North Pole preparing to deliver toys to all you wonderful girls and boys. But lately, it hasn’t been all candy…

RIO RANCHO, NM—Scattering excrement here and there on the floor to bring a little Christmas magic to their home, local parents Doug and Sarah Lynch got up early Sunday to place Santa droppings around their living room so they could convince…

POUGHKEEPSIE, NY—Staying up late to make sure he could pleasure himself without anyone noticing, local man Dylan Utley was reportedly waiting until his wife and kids were asleep Sunday to go and masturbate under the Christmas tree.…

While endless bad news cycles can make it seem like every politician deserves coal this Christmas, it’s important to remember that a few people have done praiseworthy work. Here’s a list of this year’s best-behaved who made their way onto…

“Die Hard is a Christmas movie. This is for three big reasons. The first reason is because there is Santa in it. Santa is the president of Christmas, and he is very important. The second reason is because it happens on Christmas. This is…

While Christmas is supposed to be filled with family, food, and holiday cheer, many Americans instead choose to spend it alone, in front of a computer, with their hands down their pants. The following are the most common porn searches made…

MONTCLAIR, NJ—Saying that a lot had changed since Old St. Nick left the North Pole last Christmas, a local mall Santa instructed children Monday not to sit on Santa’s colostomy bag. “Ho, ho, ho, Santa is so excited to see all his favorite…

The Bidens can’t do anything right for Americans, including decorate the White House for Christmas. Jill Biden’s first mistake was ridding the State Dining Room mantle of any personalized stockings for her grandchildren so she wouldn’t have…

When I was a high school junior in Ohio, I had to debate a classmate on a topic of our choice for a course on public speaking. I was always obnoxiously political, so my peers had no interest in hearing me drone on and on about ISIS, Social…